Lesson 2: Sensory Evidence and Metaphor
Choose a small number of concrete details that allow a reader to infer rather than merely admire description.
Ngā Whāinga Akoranga | Learning intentions
We are learning to: use sensory detail and metaphor selectively to shape a reader’s inference.
Success evidence: I can distinguish observable detail from interpretation, draft a scene with an inferable emotion, and remove a decorative detail.
Te Whakatakotoranga | Run of show
- Notice — what is seen and what is inferred 6 min
- Model — keep, sharpen, delete 10 min
- Guided test — build an inference ladder 13 min
- Independent writing — make the feeling inferable 20 min
- Reader evidence and revision — test the evidence 8 min
- Exit — the detail that carries weight 3 min
Total: 60 minutes.
Tirohanga whānui | Teaching focus
“Show, don’t tell” becomes unhelpful when it means adding adjectives everywhere. The more advanced question is which evidence earns the intended inference and which material distracts from it.
You’ll need
- Workshop 2 learner page, printed or open digitally.
- Display the supplied last-bus microtext.
- Provide two highlighter colours: literal observation and reader inference.
Original mentor material
“The last bus sighed away from the kerb. Miri checked the blank timetable, then the dark road. In her pocket, the key pressed a cold line into her thumb.”
Notice — what is seen and what is inferred 6 min
Run it
- Read the microtext once and ask learners to list only observable details.
- Read again and gather possible inferences, insisting that each interpretation cites evidence.
- Notice that “sighed” is figurative; test whether it contributes to abandonment or merely sounds poetic.
Model — keep, sharpen, delete 10 min
Run it
- Think aloud through one detail worth keeping, one vague detail to sharpen, and one image to delete.
- Model replacing “dark road” with a more selective sound or object if the scene needs tension.
- Show that an inference can remain open rather than forcing one correct emotion.
Guided test — build an inference ladder 13 min
Run it
- Groups receive three telling sentences and choose one observable action, object, and setting cue for each.
- Listeners name an inference and point to the detail that produced it.
- If listeners cannot cite evidence, writers revise the detail instead of explaining afterward.
Independent writing — make the feeling inferable 20 min
Run it
- Select the bus stop, library queue, or sports sideline prompt.
- Draft 130–170 words in which one emotion is inferable but never named.
- Underline the two details doing most work and cross out one decorative detail.
Reader evidence and revision — test the evidence 8 min
Run it
- A partner records the inferred feeling and the exact evidence used.
- The writer decides whether ambiguity is productive or whether one detail needs revision.
- Write the consequential change and reason in the Workshop 2 box.
Exit — the detail that carries weight 3 min
Run it
- Submit one sentence naming the detail you kept and the inference it invites.
Ngā huarahi ako | Differentiation
Tautoko / Support
- Offer a menu of public-setting actions, sounds, textures, and objects.
- Permit dictation or a storyboard before prose; assess selection, not spelling in the draft.
Toitoi / Extension
- Sustain two plausible inferences without making the scene incoherent.
- Test whether a metaphor clarifies a relationship or imports an unintended cliché.
Mana, safety, and writer choice
All prompts are fictional and public. A learner may invent every detail; no memory of fear, conflict, home, or whānau is required.
Hononga marautanga | Curriculum
"Language features (e.g. sensory details, metaphors, emotive language), structural features (e.g. metre, varied sentence structures, conflict and resolution), and stylistic features (e.g. tone, diction) shape how ideas are conveyed and how readers engage with creative texts."
Learners manipulate sensory detail, metaphor, tone, and diction, then use reader evidence to judge engagement.
Sources and authority
- Curriculum wording: active Te Mātaiaho Phase 4 English corpus; statement IDs are embedded above.
- The last-bus microtext and prompt set are original to Te Kete Ako.